


A Lengthy Series of Breakups

by WebbedBed



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Comedy, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romantic Comedy, Separations, tags added as they become relevant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 09:48:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26849938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WebbedBed/pseuds/WebbedBed
Summary: As the days inch closer to Valentine's Day, Akira knows that he can't go on dating all of his girlfriends, so he sets out to break up with all of them.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Okumura Haru, Kurusu Akira/Okumura Haru, Okumura Haru/Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 15





	A Lengthy Series of Breakups

Akira fidgeted in his seat at LeBlanc, waiting for Haru to arrive. He had invited her to the cafe to break up with her. He felt awful about it, he genuinely did. But being a Phantom Thief had taught him a lot about long-term planning, and looking at things objectively. It was simply impossible to date so many girls at the same time. Sure, years of doujin had taught him that these situations usually ended with an orgy and a mutual agreement to solve things with polyamory, but Akira knew that not even he was hot enough to sustain that kind of relationship. 

So he'd invited Haru to LeBlanc to sort the issue out. LeBlanc was an excellent location for the situation. For one, Haru was substantially less likely to kill him with Sojiro around. Haru was an endlessly kind girl, Akira knew that. Just a little bit of time spent with her, watching her garden, was enough to show that Haru was the closest to some kind of Disney princess there was. But for as long as Akira had spent with her gardening, he had also spent with her in Mementos. And that time in Mementos had shown a side of Haru that found glee in causing pain. Akira knew that that side of her was caused by a dislike for Shadows, so he should've been safe. But a breakup might cause Haru to dislike him, which would result in her targeting those feelings at him. And Akira really didn't feel like getting attacked in public. He'd have to plan for an axe to the back in Mementos at a later time.

Mentally reviewing his plan for the last time, Akira decided to try and calm himself. He got up from his seat and went to make some coffee. Something weak, but highly sweet. Usually, that kind of drink calmed him down. It was perfect, in that regard, to drink before entering a Palace. But Akira felt like breaking up with Haru would be a different beast than a Palace. For one, he probably couldn't beat her up to get out of the situation. And fleeing wouldn't help either. Akira thought he had an epiphany when he recalled how to recruit a Persona, but then he realized that the closest thing that exists to recruiting an actual person is asking them on a date, and he got sad again.

Akira brought the cup up to his lips right as the door to LeBlanc opened, and he watched as the fluffy-haired ojou of the Phantom Thieves came in. Akira's nervousness came back full force, and his hand was audibly shaking as he drank from the cup. She brightly smiled at him as she walked up to the counter and sat down, and Akira realized that no amount of coffee was going to make things easy. 

"Hello," He started, managing to steady his voice. As the words left his mouth, he leaned over and placed his hands on the counter in an attempt to make their shaking less obvious. The downside, to Akira's mind, was that it brought him both to eye-contact and closer to Haru, which conveyed intimacy. One word and he was already screwing things up.

"Greetings, Akira," She giggled back. Haru was also nervous, but it was the sort of romantic nervousness you get around someone you love. Akira recognized that fact, and it frayed his nerves even more.

They sat there in silence for a few seconds as Akira tried to formulate what to say. It was obvious to him that he needed confidence, and he needed it now. It was time for Joker to take over.

"As you can see, I've invited you here today..." And the temporary confidence that came with becoming Joker vanished. _WELL NO SHIT,_ Akira screamed to himself. _YOU VERY CLEARLY INVITED HER HERE, DUMBASS._

"Yes?" Haru responded, clearly a little confused. 

"Because I wanted to have a serious talk." He spat out, that Joker confidence returning. As the words left, Joker went on damage control. He had been dating a friend, off and on, for about a month now. Hardly a serious relationship. Haru was a mature girl, enough so that she could handle a breakup. All he had to do was tell her that he didn't think he was ready for a serious relationship and that he wanted to break up. It was easy, mostly honest, and didn't reveal the kinda-sorta cheating he had been doing. Easy as pie. 

"Oh, I think I know _exactly_ what you want to say," Haru replied with a flirty tone.

No, you don't, Joker thought to himself. You don't know at all. Shut up and let me talk, I'm walking on thin ice here. Just let this be easy.

"Were you thinking about... wanting to go **steady?"** Haru asked, clearly a little shy but happy with how she thought things were turning out.

Meanwhile, Joker slinked back and let Akira back into the driver's seat. Steady? That was the _opposite_ of what he wanted right now. He needed to correct her. Oh, but he didn't want to shoot her down. Dammit. 

"Not... _exactly,"_ Akira managed to mutter.

"What?" Haru responded, very clearly confused.

Great, now Haru is sad. It was obvious that Joker never should've left, and he reluctantly got back into the driver's seat. It was time to rip-off the band-aid, and he was now willing to bet that Haru would understand.

"Actually, I was thinking of the **exact opposite.** I was thinking that we should _**break up."**_

He did it. The band-aid was off the kneecap. And, like ripping a band-aid off, it was painful. But the sense of resolution that Joker thought would come, didn't. Instead, there was more tension. Haru just sat there. Her expression slowly changed. It went from confusion to... stoicism. Joker wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Stoicism meant that, on the outside, she wasn't going to flip out. But Haru's violence always came with a sweet tone, or even a tone of neutrality, so Joker wasn't ready to dismiss the idea that he was about to get his clock cleaned. 

"I understand," She bluntly stated.

And there it was. A blessed release. All that fear and anxiety had faded. Joker had done it. But there wasn't a sense of triumph. Instead, there was a sadness. Haru's face was still, and her body language revealed nothing, but Joker sensed sadness in her words. He wanted to hug her, but the gestures he had used for romance probably weren't the best bet here. Even so, his hands clenched a little as Joker held back the urge to reach out and hold her hand.

"Is that all?" Haru asked, still betraying no emotion.

Joker unconsciously leaned back a little, still anticipating something like an axe to the face. With how he felt, the axe might've been welcome. He almost wished she had flipped out on him. It would've cleared the awful tension that now permeated LeBlanc. 

"Well, that's all I had to say. Unless you wanted to talk?" Joker replied.

Perfect response. Honest, and still demonstrates friendship and companionship. Joker desperately hoped that he could stay friends with Haru.

"No, I suppose if that's it I should be leaving. I have some assignments I could finish at home."

And with that response, Haru stood up to leave.

"Have a good rest of your day!" Joker shouted out as Haru walked out. She stopped for a second right as he said it, and then continued walking. 

After she closed the door, Joker exhaled and leaned back on the counter. Akira could come back out. That was... easy enough, he supposed.

And just as Akira thought that, he heard a loud scream outside, and the sound of a trashcan being thrown. He jumped into the air, and upon landing, he dived under the counter. This was it, he was done for. She was going to march inside of LeBlanc again, axe in hand, and kick over Akira's bucket. Shuffle him out of the mortal coil. Run down his curtain. Audition him for the choir invisible. Akira Kurusu would, from this moment on, be known as an ex-Phantom Thief. At least he had a beautiful plumage. 

But, it never happened. Akira waited under the counter, his life flashing before his eyes, but Haru never returned to enact her bloody vengeance. After a little while, Akira even managed to muster the courage to open his eyes. He stood up, and the door was shut. He tiptoed up to the door and opened it. A few feet away from the door, a dented trash can lay on its side; its insides coloring the pavement. And Haru was nowhere to be seen.

Joker reentered LeBlanc and collapsed into a seat. Well, it had gone better than it thought. Yeah, he had survived. That Joker confidence came back as he gave himself a pep talk. He had done it!

And then, it all went away. Haru was just one girl. And he was dating many more. Akira let out a loud groan as he fell onto his back. His limbs and heart heavy, he produced his phone and began to text someone else.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! I'd love to hear a comment so you could let me know what you think of the story.


End file.
